he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
