This girl is more easily done than said...
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
