I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Randomize
