I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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