Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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