Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
