I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
