Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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