I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
