Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
