Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
