Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
