the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
