We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Quick, to the slutcave!
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I am available for nakedness
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
