please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
