You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
