I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
