I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
