Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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