Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
