I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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