YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
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