Will you blow on my dice?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Randomize
