Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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