yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
