We won't sleep together?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
