I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
