I only kidnapped one of them. chill
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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