Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
