So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
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