I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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