We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
