I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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