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• (843): View more from South Carolina

  so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger

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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.

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• (810): View more from Michigan

  i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants

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• (818): View more from California

  I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.

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• (807): View more from Ontario

  he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants

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• (561): View more from Florida

  Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.

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• (709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

  By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.

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• (850): View more from Florida

  Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.

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• (336): View more from North Carolina

  I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex

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• (509): View more from Washington

  Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen

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• (714): View more from California

  Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.

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• (614): View more from Ohio

  When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??

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• (850): View more from Florida

  I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.

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• (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.

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• (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.

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