My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Randomize
