Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
i out mim tonsoeep
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
