new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Randomize
