and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
