yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
