Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
