I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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