'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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