just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
