If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
