Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
