i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
