I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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