Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Randomize
