I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
