i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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