You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
