i just wanna soil my oats bro
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
