just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
