I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
