The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Every concussion has its silver lining
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
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