Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
