you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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