Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
