I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
So gin and wine won't be happening again
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
