I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
