you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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