A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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