at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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